Summer + new year.

Wow, I haven't blogged in a long time.

Summer was crazy fun, working with IRR training in Colorado (an amazing place to be with 45 other outdoors nuts. Basically camping all summer while they learned rescue and I cooked, then going on adventures on weekends - camping/backpacking, of course!) Then summer camp, working maintenance in Washington. A lot of fun, something new to do every day, and got to help out Waterfront and Challenge Course on occasion too. With more outdoors adventures on days off.

And now back to Union for my Junior year. Still IRR premed, but starting to wonder if God might have other plans besides med school afterward. We'll see.

School starts today, but I got here about a week ago-early for RA training. It's the first day of classes, but all I have are chapel (optional, and doesn't happen the first week) at 10:30 and then Physics lab at 2:00. And my first class of any morning is 10:30, a good thing considering how late RA's are often up - 11:30 would be the absolute earliest bedtime even possible.

I'm taking Physics and 3 honors classes, only 15 hours. Could be crazy. And checking if I need to add a 3 credit World religion. I hope not... I'd love to have a little free time to take guitar and/or piano lessons again.

Three Cups of Tea

This may not make complete sense if you haven't read Three Cups of Tea. I could provide a brief synopsis for your benefit, but I'm not sure it would be. It might be of more benefit for me to leave you wondering, and have you actually read the book. I recommend it highly.

I just finished Three Cups of Tea - late at night, again, proving to me there's a lot more time in my day than I think, at least for things I really care about. It pretty much cuts through any excuses about not knowing how to make a difference, or not having time, or...

It's sweet to see how people with so completely different backgrounds and perspectives can and do agree and pull together on real issues. The point one of the main characters, Haji Ali, kept driving home, that you never go somewhere without getting to know someone respected there is so easy to forget - but I wonder how many mission and NGO messes come from exactly that. And the scene from when the first school, in Korphe, is finally under construction - and Mortenson (protagonist) is trying to hurry everything along and Haji Ali pulls him aside and takes away his clipboard, and tells him to calm down, to stop trying to hurry the construction along, driving everyone crazy in the process - that's a lesson I've been being taught, and I'm sure still need to learn, about how often my ways, or new ways, are actually not better at all. And then when it was all done, getting the ledger book back with every expense recorded, exactly, better than he could have done it himself.

I just looked up the verse that speaks to that same idea "do not think too highly of yourself..." I didn't realize how much of that chapter seems to fit with what 3 Cups has me thinking about. "Offer your bodies as living sacrifices..." "Honor one another above yourselves..." "Never be lacking in zeal..." "Share with God's people who are in need" "if your enemy is hungry, feed him... Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12 - (and there's a lot of good stuff in between those snippets, too!)

God, Outdoors, and Service

I wrote God a letter this morning. About how in the last few days, I haven't been taking enough time to really notice Him and enjoy what He's done. Which for me, starts a downhill spiral - the less I spend quality time with Him, the less I want to. That's a bad direction to be going, until either God gets my attention, or I notice how much I'm missing Him, just by how much less exciting my life becomes (I'm sure God's involved in me noticing that too). And it started me thinking: how exactly does that happen? I've noticed for a long time that it does. But how? Here's what I thought of:

I started thinking about the outdoors. Why is it that I seem to need to be outside, regularly? More specifically, why do I need to spend time with God outdoors? Not because God can only be found outdoors. Not because I can only concentrate on Him outdoors. Neither of those are true - so why? The reason that makes most sense to me is, because outdoors is where I can see the little (and big) things God does for us, not because He had to or is supposed to, but because He loves us. The absolutely absurd - and totally unnecessary - bands of plum and salmon and glowing coals at sunrise. The delicate, pale pink and white striping on the 1/4 inch flower that I nearly squashed by the side of the gravel path at Holmes Lake. The undulating waves of long grass blown by the chilly Nebraskan October winds. The things that remind me, not just my head, but my heart too, that God loves me.

Then service came up. Why is that so important? Not from a standpoint of belief, but from experience - if I'm not active, serving, my own relationship with God suffers. Why's that? I was already thinking about God and the outdoors in the relationship analogy - Pr. Collette's description of it as "God giving me chocolate" comes to mind. Where would that perspective put service? As doing things together - shared activities? If the outdoors fit into the love language "gifts", could this be "quality time?" Maybe - but isn't worship "quality time?" Perhaps it is - but I can hardly see it as doing something together. If the Bible is a love letter, helping an elderly couple move to a new apartment is kayaking in the Boundary Waters together. Or maybe building a treehouse with your dad.

Worship, as quality time, might be a deep conversation. But actually, to think about it, I see that more as prayer - real, two sided prayer. Worship - (not church - which includes worship, and prayer, and...) I see as "words of affirmation". Recognizing and then expressing the good qualities we find in God. And with Him, when we say good, we'd better think amazing or incredible.

I'd bet we could carry it further - link acts of service to God answering prayer, perhaps, or stepping in to answer prayers we didn't pray. Try to figure something out to put for "physical touch," just to round it out. But I'm not going to - for today, I'm enjoying God's gifts to me - I saw the sunrise again this morning, and it's another blue dome and crispy shadows day outside my window. I'm enjoying memories of "kayaking" with Him and looking forward to doing more together soon. Keeping my eyes open for opportunities to worship and affirm. And simply being glad God got my attention again.

I choose life - and more

"Would I want to become a Christian like me if I was not a Christian and observed me "being" a Christian today?" Pr. Rich wrote in his morning email yesterday. It's an incredibly important and relevant question. "Would I want to become a Christian like me if I was not a Christian and observed me "being" a Christian today?"

I should hope the answer is yes, resoundingly. If not, there's something missing.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10 - Among the things the thief loves to steal, kill, and destroy is our joy and fullness of life. And what better thing to destroy? If we don't have life, and life to the full, why should anyone want to have what (better Who) we have?

Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." And "Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." (John 17:3). I read that: Life_{with Jesus} = Life_{Eternal, Full} .

If knowing the only true God and Jesus Christ is eternal life, when does eternal life start?

If by being with Him we have life that's full and eternal, can we be with Him and have life that is less that full? I don't know. Maybe by holding onto parts of our own life, the way they were before, keeping Him from filling them?

I'm picturing one of those long, skinny balloons that balloon artists use to make figures - dogs, flowers.... all of that. It comes empty, naturally. The balloon artist fills it - but if someone is holding onto the balloon, as it was before, not letting it fill and swell - well, it doesn't! It stays there, kinked.

At first, that's where I thought the analogy broke down. Because kinks are essential for balloon art. Without them, the balloon just stays straight - no sculpture. But notice - the artist always blows the balloon up first, so He can place the kinks where they need to go to fit in the sculpture. Now, if there's a kink in the balloon naturally, He can probably still use it - but He's limited, has to work around a kink He didn't want. Three or four or more kinks - we're limiting Him even more - but He's an amazing artist, and He still knows how to use us.

As easy and familiar as that empty shape felt, it's always worth the stretching of being filled.

"I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life." Mk 10:29, 30

Does that say a hundred times more in the age to come?

"With them, persecutions," - but even with that in the picture, it still says we "receive a hundred times more" just in this age than we give up - not counting the next!

Life_{with Jesus} = 100 Life_{without Jesus} + Eternity

God's answer to my questions

I'm amazed by how directly God has answered my questions about whether to commit to going on an IRR hurricane response tomorrow, missing a week of school. From this morning (well, actually yesterday morning by date, but I always bump the schedule back a day so I can have a lesson on Sabbath morning that's relevant, rather than not having one then and starting the next week's topic Sabbath afternoon - which isn't when I have study time):

From CQ (the collegiate quarterly)
"There is need of coming close to the people by personal effort. If less time were given to sermonizing, and more time were spent in personal ministry, greater results would be seen. The poor are to be relieved, the sick cared for, the sorrowing and the bereaved comforted, the ignorant instructed, the inexperienced counseled. We are to weep with those that weep, and rejoice with those that rejoice. Accompanied by the power of persuasion, the power of prayer, the power of the love of God, this work will not, cannot, be without fruit." - MH 143, 144

"To everyone who becomes a partaker of His grace the Lord appoints a work for others. Individually we are to stand in our lot and place, saying, 'Here I am; send me.' Isaiah 6:8" - MH 148

And then from the adult quarterly (I translate from the Spanish)

"The point here is that Isaiah, without divine intervention, unless his sins were blotted out, or covered, could not have done anything for God. He had to put himself right with God first; only then could God use Him.

In short, the message to me:
"Go - don't let worries about school keep you from love and service. That's what I'm calling you, all of you, to - not to get jobs in the church or as missionaries, but to love and sacrifice for those I put around you. --- But wait, before you get caught up in serving me and all you think you have to do - I come first. You need me, or it won't work."

The (ig) nobility of independence

I'd long believed that independence was undisputably a virtue. That being a bother, asking for help unless absolutely necessary, well, simply shouldn't be done. I'm beginning to think I was incredibly deluded. In fact, trying not to bother people (at least at times) can even offend the very people one was trying not to bother.

Asking for help:

Affirms the person asked.

Builds friendships.

And can sure make life a lot easier.

Memories - heart cargo

It seems strange even to me, but today is the first time I've really thought back, pulled up memories, revisited the part of my life in and around Pucallpa, Peru. There was a lot there, a lot that I didn't even realize. Depth of feeling. Love. Pain. Longing. Joys and regrets. Sadness for a little brother I barely got to know. Longings for people I learned to love - Jenni, Mauro, my SM family, Hermano Miqueas. Friendships - Alfonso, the taxi driver I'd eat supper with, and the watch repairman who's name I can't even remember, but who I could sit and talk with for hours, even if my visits were months apart. The lady with the clothes stall in the market, who never forgot my telling her about harvesting pineapple - or that I needed to buy more clothes from her - and how happy she was when again, at the very end of my time, I needed to, getting long sleeve shirts to cover my healing skin. I'm not one who easily cries - not that I conciously avoid it, but the need to rarely seems to come up. But I've cried three times this summer - each time, seemingly for a different reason, feeling alone on a bus, overwhelmed by a non-stop camp schedule and responsibilities - but I can't help thinking that those weren't the real, or only reason. They were forerunners of the single tear that ran down my cheek while I looked at Jenni's pictures and wrote this paragraph. One lonely tear - and the feeling of some enormous weight lodged behind my sternum, for friends, memories, for Willem, still keeping all those little trees out of the junge by hand, hoping for a tractor, and for Hector.

I didn't know how much I loved that cute little 7 month old - it's just starting to hit me now. I know I can't tell his story as well as Jenni already has (http://memories.touchofloveperu.org/). I wish a lot of things. For heaven, when I'll get to see that little guy again - with no more ever-present IV tubing, no more viral loads. And that until then, this world had more people like Jenni, willing to to take on the task of loving little baby boys dying of starvation, and keep at it, even after finding out what a miracle we were asking for. And for me, I choose to live that way - loving, even knowing it will - or does - hurt: schedule, pocket, ego, body, or, hardest of all, heart.